but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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