I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
