the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
