from now on my penis is your penis
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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