Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
