Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
