How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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