I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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