Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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