Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
whose parrot is this?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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