we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
