Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think your dad took our porno
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
