if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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