we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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