just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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