So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize