Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize