I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
