if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
