The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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