When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
