I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
