I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
