Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
