My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
