Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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