Jerry, you need to find god
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
