you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
