I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
