so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
