I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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