Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
