i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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