You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
