i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
