Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
