I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize