I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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