I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
