I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
