I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
