Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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