I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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