Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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