Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just gargled with NyQuil
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
