i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
