I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
