Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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