I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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