I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
