i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
