I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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