Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize