so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
