i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
