ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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