3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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