so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
