I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
