i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My feet surprised me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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