just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
