Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
