my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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