like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
