Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
