i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize