i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
