Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
