the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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