oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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