no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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