If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
