so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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