Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
