Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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