I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
